Wednesday 2 October 2002
I awoke this morning with a new outlook on life. And how appropriate for the month of the final harvest. Last night questions I had held for five or six years were finally answered. While they may not have been the answers I had hoped for, my mind was put at ease and my curriosity saited. My best friend and I have a very intimate emotional relationship but have never been more than friends. I had always wondered what it would have been like to be more. I have known for about three years that he is gay. I had accepted this and respected this and I still do, I wouldn't change him for anything. Last night I got the answers I needed and even though my friend didn't share my curriosity, for the first time, in a long time, I am happy. I woke up this morning with new hope and realised that there is someone out there, somewhere, for me. For a while I had given up on the idea of soulmates. Now I'm starting to believe more than ever, that we can have more than one, and that perhaps there is more than one type of soulmate. I know I have found one, now if I can find another just like him who is straight, my life will be complete. Thank you so much Brian, I love you.
Lately I have been contemplating that maybe there are things about me that I need to change. But, my friend has convinced me to be no one but myself. I know a lot of people have come and gone in my life and for the longest time I blamed myself. I had thought that something was wrong with me, that I was too honest, that I needed to hold back more and be quiet and docile, like women were once expected to be. But I'm happy with who I am and people need to accept me for me. If they can't do that, well that's their problem. Life is a game, but there are no winners or losers, we all face the same trials. People will come and go, that's the way it works. We can't try to please everyone because its an impossible feat and we will only break ourselves in the process. So if people walk out on you, don't beat yourself up over it; if they can't handle you for you, then they aren't worth it. Well, that's my yard of yarn for the day. As for those people who have come and gone in my life; Thanks for playing.
I awoke this morning with a new outlook on life. And how appropriate for the month of the final harvest. Last night questions I had held for five or six years were finally answered. While they may not have been the answers I had hoped for, my mind was put at ease and my curriosity saited. My best friend and I have a very intimate emotional relationship but have never been more than friends. I had always wondered what it would have been like to be more. I have known for about three years that he is gay. I had accepted this and respected this and I still do, I wouldn't change him for anything. Last night I got the answers I needed and even though my friend didn't share my curriosity, for the first time, in a long time, I am happy. I woke up this morning with new hope and realised that there is someone out there, somewhere, for me. For a while I had given up on the idea of soulmates. Now I'm starting to believe more than ever, that we can have more than one, and that perhaps there is more than one type of soulmate. I know I have found one, now if I can find another just like him who is straight, my life will be complete. Thank you so much Brian, I love you.
Lately I have been contemplating that maybe there are things about me that I need to change. But, my friend has convinced me to be no one but myself. I know a lot of people have come and gone in my life and for the longest time I blamed myself. I had thought that something was wrong with me, that I was too honest, that I needed to hold back more and be quiet and docile, like women were once expected to be. But I'm happy with who I am and people need to accept me for me. If they can't do that, well that's their problem. Life is a game, but there are no winners or losers, we all face the same trials. People will come and go, that's the way it works. We can't try to please everyone because its an impossible feat and we will only break ourselves in the process. So if people walk out on you, don't beat yourself up over it; if they can't handle you for you, then they aren't worth it. Well, that's my yard of yarn for the day. As for those people who have come and gone in my life; Thanks for playing.
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